On Being a Child-Free Leader in the Workplace
Although slow progress is being made, perceptions of women leaders in the workplace continue to be a major challenge for many. And, as has been documented here on the blog and elsewhere, perceptions of the women’s reproductive choices can provoke subtle and overt hostility and result in feelings of isolation.
How do these perceptions interact for women who are both child-free and leaders in their workplace? And how do they navigate that interaction of perceptions?
These are questions that Stephanie McCluskey addressed in her thesis, Childfree Women: Navigating Perceptions and Developing a Leadership Identity (PDF download). McCluskey conducted thirteen qualitative interviews of child-free women leaders. The participants shared others’ perceptions of them, and the strategies they employed to gain credibility as a leader. The mostly American study participants ranged in age from 32 to 48, varied in marital status, and came from a cross-section of industries, company sizes and management positions. Racial identity was not factored into this study.
McCluskey provides the following summary of the perceptions that child-free women leaders face:
“... childfree women seeking acceptance and credibility as leaders are challenged by the perceptions patriarchy has created for three reasons. First, because patriarchy reinforces stereotypical views of women as mothers and nurturers, they are not seen as having the traditional male-oriented leadership traits. Second, when women do display traditional leadership traits, they experience backlash for not prescribing to the female gender role. Third, because childfree women reject the role of motherhood, they are not seen as possessing the communal characteristics that may make them more likable as leaders.”
Below are some highlights of the information provided by the participants in McCluskey’s study that struck a chord for me. I encourage you to read the entirety of the theses – it is a very interesting (and sometimes disheartening) read.
Some participants recognized that they could not identify if the stigma they felt was attributable to being child-free or to their role as a female leader.
One respondent believed her child-free choice emphasized the negative perceptions that people assigned to her. She feared being seen as insensitive and unfeeling because of her ambitiousness and her direct approach. This is despite seeing herself as an empathetic person.
One woman was told she wasn’t a team player, even though that contradicted what she had been told in the past, and importantly, how she saw herself:
“I had more than one person tell me that I wasn't a team player, which is the exact opposite of all feedback I'd ever gotten anywhere else, and of the style that I try to cultivate, but it was too aggressive. All the stuff that people say about woman who are forthright, right? Just because I was willing to actually speak an opinion in a meeting, and that kind of thing. So I did always wonder how much not having kids contributed to that, but people were like I wasn't feminine enough … having children softens you because you must be maternal, you must be feminine, so I always wondered it was hard enough being a young woman trying to advocate in a leadership role in a division that was run by men in a conservative place, but if I'd have children if that would have been any better.”
Participants felt a societal pressure that equated a woman’s value to being a mother:
“I think women are so programmed to not be outspoken, especially about the role of being a mother or not being a mother or their freedom of choice in the matter, that I think probably the times I've gotten resistance or a sideways look or judgment about it, has probably been more of my presentation of it than anything else.”
Almost all spoke of being subject to unfair workplace policies, both spoken and unspoken, regarding benefits and work-life balance. Before reading this, I wouldn’t have said that I had been subject to unfair workplace practices based on my child-free status. Now, I realize I have shared these experiences.
Almost half of the respondents felt pressure to step in when colleagues with children could not work due to family commitments. Some were mandated to pick up shifts or were assigned shifts over the weekends, holidays and evenings.
Participants felt that they lacked the flexibility in their schedules that their counterparts with children enjoyed. Two reported feeling judged for changing their schedule to accommodate a fitness class that they enjoyed. Three reported feeling that having children was an acceptable “excuse” providing parents with a sense of work-life balance, of which the child-free did not get to benefit.
There was a feeling that the child-free's desire to spend time with family was not understood, especially when single:
“I think it’s even harder though when you're a single person because you still have family and you still have people you care about or you still have your own self-care, whatever that picture is, but it’s harder for people to understand.”
There was a sense of conflict for the child-free between wanting to advocate for their own work-life balance and being an ally for the mothers on their team.
One participant questioned how to offset benefits that only those with children get to reap. For example, baby shower gifts, employer contributions towards college savings plans, free or reduced tuition for employees' children at post-secondary institutions, etc.
This one struck a chord. I suspect that many workplaces need to evaluate their policies. While every employer will have a parental leave policy, what about a caregiver leave policy? What will the employer do when a child-free worker (or any worker really) needs time off to care for elderly parents, their partners, siblings, or any other family member? And importantly, how do you define “family member”? As a single, child-free person, my family includes my close friends. Would I ever be able to take a leave of absence to care for a close friend, if needed? My guess is probably not. But why is that the case? I love my friends as much as I love my biological family and would be just as distracted and worried if one of them had nobody to care for them when ill.
I found McCluskey’s thesis to accurately describe many of my experiences as a child-free woman and a leader. I experienced several emotions reading the thesis. Sadness at times, thinking about the cartwheels women without children have to turn to respond to the perceptions that people often hold about the child-free. It also made me feel less alone, knowing that other female leaders had similar experiences related to and feelings about being child-free.
Perhaps the most upsetting undercurrent through these interviews is the sense that women felt they had to be less than their true self. Some will not bring up their child-free status. They redirect the conversation if it heads toward the topic of children. One discussed how she used “socially acceptable” excuses as to why they do not have children despite it being an intentional decision. They used humour to make their child-free identity seem less “threatening”. Many of the women were selective about when, how and to whom they would disclose their child-free identity.
One of McCluskey's recommendations was creating a community for female child-free leaders. I read this recommendation, and it reinforced my belief that a community like CFW² is needed. I hope that child-free women feel they now have a place to find support from those sharing similar experiences. Just as importantly, CFW² is meant to raise awareness of the experiences of child-free women in the workplace (and elsewhere) and ensure that employers start considering this group of employees when setting policies.
A huge thanks to Stephanie McCluskey for her insightful thesis. As more women choose not to have children, more research like hers is needed.
Alysia Christiaen
Creator of CFW² and a child-free woman.
