The Blame Game: Another Branch in the Child-Free Decision Tree
For those of you trying to decide if you want to be child-free or have children, there are a lot of things that you could … should … consider. My own decision-making came down to whether I wanted to change my lifestyle - did I want to make career sacrifices? Did I want to give up a lot of control over my own life? Did I want to make all of the other sacrifices that come along with parenthood, with no guarantee that I would find them as satisfying as my current situation?
If you are pondering this very big life decision, you should give the opinion piece by Michal Leibowitz in the New York Times titled There’s a Link Between Childlessness and Therapy Culture a read. It is really insightful, genuine and will give you something else to ponder when deciding whether to embrace being child-free.
Leibowitz describes herself as being on the cusp of a millennial and Gen Z, who was pregnant when she wrote her piece. She posits that the exceptionally high standards placed on parents today, and the challenge in meeting them, may be holding some back from entering parenthood.
While this concern didn’t cross my mind on the path to being child-free, my own experience supports Leibowitz’s theory. I will always say that I hit the parent jackpot - both of my parents fiercely supported me in every way possible. But I didn’t expect my parents to set me up for life - I knew that I had to work hard and invest in myself to achieve success (however I wanted to define that). From what I have observed, the toll and expectations on parents today are incredible. One stat cited by Leibowitz shocked me: “Working mothers in the year 2000 spent as much time focused on child care as stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s.” How many balls are women expected to juggle today?
The piece left me thinking about the increased complexity of the decision to be child-free now versus just ten years ago, when I was in the throes of figuring out if I wanted to be a mother. The only advice I can provide is that eventually you’re going to come to a decision that feels right for you. And no matter how many opinion pieces you read, or how many things or perspectives that you consider, you’ll get to a point where you no longer question your decision.
Alysia Christiaen
Creator of CFW² and a child-free woman.
