The Hidden Hostility Toward Women Who Opt Out of Motherhood
A study conducted by Annalucia Bays, titled Perceptions, Emotions and Behaviors toward Women Based on Parental Status, examined how people feel about women based on whether they’re mothers, can’t have children, or have chosen to be child-free. The results? No surprise to those of us living it: the way people react has less to do with facts and more to do with emotions.
Here’s what Bays found:
Mothers got the most admiration. They were seen as warm, trustworthy, and deserving of support. People felt protective toward them and wanted to help.
Women who are involuntarily childless were met with pity. They were still seen as warm, but also as struggling or “less complete.” That pity often translated into sympathy, but also into subtle forms of exclusion.
Child-free women by choice? We triggered envy, resentment, and even disgust. People saw us as competent and successful — but also cold. And those negative emotions sometimes led to harmful behaviours, from exclusion to outright hostility.
What’s striking is that emotions, not logic, drove how people treated these groups. Warmth mattered more than competence. Being admired or pitied brought helping behaviours, while being envied or seen as cold brought harm.
The takeaway is clear: women without children — especially those who choose this path — still face stigma, bias, and even risk. Not because of who we are, but because of how others feel about the choices we’ve made.
If you’ve read my first blog - That Damn Question - it appears my fear of being judged (or stereotyped) due to my decision to be child-free was not misplaced.
Bays provided possible explanations as to why these emotions were felt towards child-free women. Many see having children as vital to a fulfilling life, but they are also aware of the costs that come with kids: financial, emotional and psychosocial. Child-free women could create a cognitive dissonance in those who want children, which causes them to feel and act negatively toward the child-free. A child-free woman’s deliberate decision to avoid these high costs that come with having children may elicit envy in others. Envy may also result from child-free women’s typically high levels of educational, financial, and occupational success.
Regardless of the reason for these emotions, employers should be mindful of these negative emotions and stereotypes towards child-free women when preparing workplace policies.
Alysia Christiaen
Creator of CFW² and a child-free woman.
