You don’t need children and a husband to be a role model
In a 2024 Newsweek opinion piece, John Mac Ghilionn attempts to explain why Taylor Swift, music megastar and businesswoman, is not someone young girls should look to for inspiration.
Mac Ghilionn recognizes Swift’s musical talent and the success of her Eras tour, noting that she “birthed a new branch of economics called ‘Swiftonomics’,” and that the cities hosting her tour make “hundreds of millions,” with thousands of temporary jobs created for local citizens. Despite this incredible accomplishment, he warns that she is not fit to be a role model.
One is left to ponder: What the hell does a woman have to do to exemplify the behaviour we want young people to strive to achieve?
The author questions Swift’s deservingness of the title of role model in the following (offensive) passage (emphasis added):
At 34, Swift remains unmarried and childless, a fact that some might argue is irrelevant to her status as a role model. But, I suggest, it's crucial to consider what kind of example this sets for young girls. A role model, by definition, is someone worthy of imitation. While Swift's musical talent and business acumen are certainly admirable, even laudable, we must ask if her personal life choices are ones we want our sisters and daughters to emulate. This might sound like pearl-clutching preaching, but it's a concern rooted in sound reasoning.
Mac Ghilionn goes on to cite several reasons that parents should dissuade their daughters from wanting to be like Swift (quoted directly from the opinion piece):
This revolving door of relationships may reflect the normal dating experiences of many young women in today's world, but it also raises questions about stability, commitment, and even love itself. Should we encourage young girls to see the "Swift standard" as the norm, something to aspire to? Or should we be promoting something a little more, shall we say, wholesome? Would any loving parent reading this want their daughter to date 12 different men in the span of just a few years?
Swift's recent rallying cry against patriarchal structures stands in stark contrast to her personal dating choices. The singer often dates strong, influential men—celebrities who embody significant social and economic power. This can appear hypocritical. Hypocrisy fundamentally undermines the ability to be a good role model because it involves a contradiction between one's actions and the principles or values they publicly advocate.
… many of her lyrics often depict her as the victim. This might influence young women to adopt a similar perspective in their own relationships, be they romantic or otherwise. Swift is not a victim. She is the most popular musician of all time.
This cycle of brief, intense relationships can unintentionally glamorize a type of romantic promiscuity where partners can be replaced as easily as toilet paper.
Mac Ghilionn’s entire argument against Swift being a role model is centred completely on her personal life. Not having a husband, not having children, at the old, old age of 34. Come on.
This entire opinion piece reeks of the societal expectation that woman = mother. Swift’s “revolving door of relationships” threatens that equation. Who cares how many she has dated? Quite frankly, it is none of our business, but the media and celebrity gossipers ensure that we are all well informed of Swift’s relationship status. In one of my favourite quotes, Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Elliot Trudeau exhorted “there is no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation”. There is equally no place for the public in the bedrooms of celebrities (despite the seeming consensus to the contrary).
I ask Mac Ghilionn this: how is Swift’s personal life - her unmarried and child-free state - even relevant to her status as a role model in comparison to her contributions to the music industry, to feminism, to activism? Swift’s lyrics do not make her out to be a victim. On the contrary. They are about a strong, independent, resilient woman. They empower women to overcome obstacles, sometimes including the pain of a breakup. (The comment about her “victim” lyrics makes me question whether the author has even listened to an entire Swift album.) The author also completely overlooks Swift’s immense generosity. She regularly donates to food banks in the cities where she is touring. She has supported literacy programs, cancer charities, disaster relief, victims of sexual assault, Covid relief, and animal rescue organizations.
No wonder that women feel judged about their personal life decisions when a woman as powerful as Taylor Swift cannot even escape judgment. Her choices are used against her to detract from the value she provides to fans and those who have never even heard her music.
I couldn’t help but look at the comments this opinion piece garnered. This one is a favourite biting remark:
I looked for this author's article criticizing never-married 68-year-old Senator Lindsey Graham but couldn't find it. I guess the author think it's okay for a man twice Taylor's age to have never married and never produced any children. ~ EdG
I looked for Mac Ghilionn’s article criticizing Leonardo DiCaprio’s plethora of girlfriends, none resulting in a marriage and his failure to procreate with any of them, thereby discounting DiCaprio’s value to aspiring young actors. Couldn’t find it.
One comment was especially disappointing, and highlights the continued belief held by many that every woman wants to be a mother, and simply cannot be happy otherwise:
You're right not everyone needs, wants or deserves a family and that is something that should never be shoved down someone's throat. Never ever. However, a very high majority of women want families and for a lot of those that don't find them they aren't very happy. There are also a lot of women that chose careers over family that regret it later on. At 34 if someone has wanted a family she's probably close to the 'her clock is ticking' mode. If she never wanted a family good for her that's 'her choice'. ~ 24SEVEN 365
Good for her, but she will regret it and be unhappy!
There continues to be this unchecked belief that commenting on a woman’s life choices about marriage and having children is acceptable. It absolutely is not. Women – and men – have the freedom to build the life that will bring them happiness. For some, children will not do that. And that does not mean there is anything wrong with what they want or that their choice is subject to judgment. And it most certainly does not mean that they are unworthy of the title of role model. When one considers it, they are role models because they are willing to make a choice that will open them up to criticism and unsolicited comment – and have the strength to stick to their conviction that it is the right choice for them.
I think Swift is a damn fine role model, exactly as she is.
Alysia Christiaen
Creator of CFW² and a child-free woman.
